A Fair Divorce is NOT a Legal Process

People wearing black suits in a meeting

Divorce should not be an unfair legal process. It ought to be a process of un-coupling and physical separation with among others, a legal component.

What happens to us when we get divorced? We feel sad, disappointed, disillusioned, angry and afraid of what lies ahead. Our biggest concerns are about being able to afford a divorce and we feel anxious about losing everyone we hold dear and everything we regard as valuable. We have generations of people who cannot get over the devastation of their divorce and are unable to recover from the impoverished position in which they ended up as a result.

Everything I described above are feelings (emotions) based on our worst fears and that’s where our focus ought to be when getting divorced – not to exploit them but rather to address them with compassion.

Let’s consider this for a moment: If I decide to take the traditional legal route to divorce, I start by accusing my spouse of some things and make my own subjective claims to validate my accusations. Then, I challenge my partner to either defend himself or admit that he was wrong, in court. Who in this world is not going to get angry and defend themselves vehemently?  So in defence, he accuses me of certain things and adds his own subjective claims to validate his accusations.

We declare war. Litigation…

The only way to end any war is either for one party to annihilate, ruin or kill the opponent or for both parties to declare a ceasefire and agree to negotiate reasonable terms that both would be willing and able to adhere to. The cost of war is tremendous and is never without casualties and great loss on both sides.

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